Bring It! February 22, 2008

One of the many things to love about San Francisco is how worlds collide in a big glittery pileup.

We’re all suffering from multiple personality syndrome in the best way possible, constantly proving that you can’t make assumptions about anyone in this freedom-loving town full of people who live up to the poetic words of one of my fag hag heroes, Deee-Lite’s Lady Miss Kier:

“Your groove I do deeply dig. No walls, only the bridge.”

Lately I’m deeply digging on my beloved gay boyfriend Steven Satyricon, who redefines the term crossover artist. A member of Boylesque and a resident gogo dancer at Bootie, he also gogo dances with me at Bebe Sweetbriar’s Castro T-dance, The Launch Party at JET. At the most recent Launch, he fiercely transformed from scary drag queen to jockstrap-sporting stud in a swoon-inducing solo performance to Madonna’s “Like it or Not.”

I love how Steven’s groove defies categorization. Circuit boy? Yes. Faux king? Sometimes. Punk-flavored Powerpuff girl? Yeah, he’s that too.

Recently, he joined me in playing the role of belly dancer (one of my many multiple personalities), when I crossed another bridge at an underground party called Bibi Love, a not-for-profit event for the queer South West Asian, North African, Middle Eastern (SWANA) community and their friends.

I always assumed that two of my worlds in particular, first-generation Turkish-American and hard-core club hag, would never crossover. I celebrated being proven wrong by dressing up the Pussy Posse in gypsy couture and shimmying all over the Bibi dancefloor. It was a special experience, shared by many others at the packed party, which was closed to the press to allow for maximum freedom of expression.

Another great thing about San Francisco is having the freedom to vote for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness on our own terms. While the rest of the country is talking about Hillary and Obama, we’ve got our own fabulous form of imperialism, and our very own election season with The Royal Court.

I was honored to support democracy by performing at a campaign kickoff event at Marlena’s for Mercedez Munro’s Empress run. Faux king Johnny Cocksville did a moody number about dancing away heartache and pain. As founder of the Mother of Invention Acting School, he knew that theme would highly motivate myself and my ever-faithful gay boyfriend Joanna Parks as his backup dancers/lip-synchers, and he dubbed us The Flaming Gardenias in honor of the flowers we always wear in our hair to show our San Francisco spirit. Special thanks to Urban Flowers for keeping us in fragrant gardenias year-round.

Just a few numbers later, Joanna and I were back at it, this time as Kit Kat Girls in Charisma Glitterati’s adorable number from Cabaret, “Don’t Tell Mama.” Ultra-glamorous Mercedez won me over when she invited us all to enjoy the buffet she provided for those “singing for their supper,” and Erykah Dayé Munro became the patron saint of fag hags everywhere when she (in boy) gave us girls a shout-out for playing supporting roles in what sometimes seems like every other number on the drag circuit. Loves her!

Lots of love in the house at Lucky Pierre, which hosted “Wet: A Birthday Bash for Miss Trannyshack Pollo Del Mar” at The Stud. The Glitterati gang arrived in silly swimwear and Super Soakers to drench the party in festivity despite winter weather. Afterwards we warmed up at Ghetto Disco, the Endup’s Friday night party hosted by DJ Hawthorne, who, along with Aaron Marxmiller providing choice beefcake on the gogo box, never disappoints the dancefloor.

The first party of the year at Temple was everything a T-dance should be, with DJs Wayne G and Luke Johnstone serving up the happy and then giving it away at the door on CDs. Membership has its privileges at Industry & Matinee, and I proudly purchased my 4th Boy Badge. I’ve got no problem paying my fag hag dues when they come with discounted entry all year long, plus discounts all over the Castro, including at circuit soundtrack headquarters, Medium Rare Records. London’s Wayne G wasn’t content to stay in headphones all night, and joined us on the dancefloor at the Matinee afterparty, Thick at Club Ei8ht, where DJ Frank Wild celebrated his birthday by giving us all the gift of deep dark house music.

Here’s where I’ll be bringing it coming up: On Friday, February 22 I’ll be waving my hands in the air for DJ Jamie J Sanchez at Ghetto Disco, and on February 23 I’ll be doing double-duty performing at Bootie then stomping the circuit with double-your-pleasure Rosabel, AKA DJs Ralphi Rosario and Abel, at Industry. Sunday February 24 I’ll be working the positive vibe at Revolution at Club Ei8ht with sugar-sweet DJ Robbie Martin.

I hope our multiple personality paths cross somewhere along the way….

Bring It! January 4, 2008

Life is SO much better now that I have a gay hairstylist again!

When you’re trying to get the right cut for your corporate-whore-by-day/circuit-whore-by-night lifestyle, a date at the salon shouldn’t be a chore, but an intimate, therapeutic sistah-session that puts a spring in your step.

As much as I love the rocker girls at the salon my former hairstylist (and fairy godfather) entrusted me to when he and his partner left the city to become homeowners, I was uninspired. A homo-free hair experience is simply unacceptable for the Original Fag Hag!

In San Francisco, I knew it was only a matter of time before serendipity did its thing. It happened on a double date in which the hag actually scored! (Well, a hairstylist, anyway.) I fell in hag-on-fag love with him at first sight, and swooned when he invited me to a party at his Castro apartment. He was a flawless host, and when I complimented him on his culinary artistry, someone said I should see the magic he works with hair.

Our next date was at Barber Lounge on Folsom between 4th and 5th. The salon is immaculate and tasteful, and highly fabulous. So was my cut from the sweet and multitalented Gib, who also happens to be HOT.

It was just what I’d been missing. We gabbed about everything, philosophical to frivolous. We reflected on how things never stay the same, whether it’s with hairstylists or our club scene in the city. (Gib also loves to dance. Swoon again!) I know I reduce everything to a dancefloor metaphor, but it works, so here goes: Change is inevitable, whether it’s about where to cut your hair or where to shake your ass, so there’s no choice but to embrace it.

Now that I’m in love with my gay hairstylist again, I’m reminded that change can be a good thing. Sometimes it’s just a matter of acknowledging that the time for change has come, and then working it.

Here’s where I’ll be working it coming up: I’ll be dancing between drag queens at The Industrial Strength Monster Show at Harvey's on the 12th, and on the 13th I’ll be dancing on the gogo box and supporting my girls Charisma Glitterati and Bebe Sweetbriar at the cutest Castro T-dance ever, The Launch Party at JET.

Next weekend will be huge on the dancefloor, with Industry at Club Mighty on the 19th featuring DJ Jamie J Sanchez and DJ Rob Kaftan, and the first Fresh of the year at Ruby Skye on the 20th with DJ Brett Henrichsen.

Please join me and my Pussy Posse and help us make the best of whatever changes this shiny new year will bring!

Photos:

From MASS at 1015 Folsom this past Sunday night, 12/30 (photo taken by Gus himself):
http://www.guspresents.com/photos/main.php?g2_itemId=6385

Gib Bolton, The Barber Lounge:
http://www.barberlounge.com/team08.html

And from my recent photo shoot with Michael Smith:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/72286452@N00/2166907210/
(kind of fits the New Year’s flavor of the column?)

Bring It! December 7, 2007

It was Friday night, and I was faced with a dress-up dilemma worthy of a Project Runway Challenge. My budget and energy were running low, but my plan for the evening included 2 birthday parties: one for a cub friend hosting a Come as Ugly as Possible party, another for a girlfriend at a hetero-heavy disco dance party called Paradise.

I arrived at the perfect solution while waiting for the clock to strike 5 at my day job, and when I arrived at the bear party rocking a hideous Freddie Mercury mustache, I was a hit. I even learned new gay vocab when someone referred to me as “Goldilocks,” the bear community’s term of endearment for a fag hag.

But even the most experienced fag hag is at a loss for words to describe departing said bear party and running out into Market Street, stripper heels clacking loudly as I’m ripping the afro from my head, and getting the call from my drag queens, urgently inviting me to join them in their limo headed for Paradise.

I needed a moment to shift gears and apply a more appropriate amount of glitter, and the air kisses and Dom Perignon helped smooth the transition. I had to smile as my friend Suga Rim pointed out that most people just don’t have the same kinds of problems we do here in the homo headquarters of the world, including how to transform from Forget Fashion Ugliness to Decadent Disco Drag while on the go and under the gun.

I call that “just another Friday night in San Francisco,” and bringing it no matter what scene you might find yourself in. It’s a damn nice problem to have!

Coming up, my dilemma will be how to attend all of the following in the midst of the frenzied holiday season: the new Fag Fridays at Pink with DJ Quentin Harris on the 14th, Black XXXmas with DJ Abel & DJ Luke Johnstone at Factory and/or Supersonic Sundays at SF Underground on the 15th, Fresh with DJ Kimberly S at Ruby Skye and/or Thick with DJ Robbie Martin at Club Eight on the 16th, Heat at The Stud on the 21st, and the Christmas episodes of the Golden Girls.

Bring It! November 23, 2007

I was so beyond grateful that I got to spend this Thanksgiving with my San Framily, it got me thinking about all the only-in-San Francisco things that make me so thankful I live here (and spend every cent of my disposable income on decadence and frivolity).

Twisted fag hag that I am, I often see the city’s club scene as a metaphor for life. It changes and evolves constantly, and people love to wax sentimental about the good old days, but I’m in a mood to appreciate the here and now.

These days, we have to give to get. Our smaller but more numerous clubs live and die over what we’re willing to bring to the table. Some weeks we’re satisfied, and others we go hungry, but we never have a night off, which means we always have more than enough.

When I have a wildly different take than friends at the same club dancing to the same music, it’s a reminder that there really is something for every dance queen in this town of plenty. The dark and spare beats that do nothing for me obviously scratch an itch for others, probably the same guys who roll their eyes when the screaming divas set me off on the dancefloor.

This give and take is a good thing, exposing us beyond our comfort zone, and keeping us honest about our love of diversity. I say if you can’t be at the club you love, honey, love the clubs you’re at. Keep on bringing it and making the best of it, and eventually you’ll get yours.

Coming up on November 30, I’m trying out Paradise, an all-night disco party at Mezzanine with an 18-piece live band. On December 2 I’ll do my best to get into the frosty spirit of Winter Wonderland Matinee at Temple, and December 5 I’ll be dishing with all the other GLOSS columnists at Lime. I’m especially looking forward to December 9, when I’ll be dancing on the gogo box at The Launch Party at JET, my favorite T-dance in the Gayborhood. I always get the happy vibe I’m looking for there, and with cohosts Bebe Sweetbriar and Heklina raising money for the AIDS Housing Alliance SF, having a good time there means also supporting a good cause, and that’s as good as it gets!

Bring It! November 8, 2007

Am I gay yet?

A button with this cute one-liner lives on my purse, my way of wearing my heart on my sleeve. But just when I thought I couldn't possibly be any gayer (or at least as gay as a gay man trapped inside the body of a hetero-flexible married woman can be), I found myself on an Atlantis cruise. My idea of heaven on earth was redefined, broadened to include not only the Castro, but also what my fellow sea-men and I lovingly described as the “dick deck,” by the pool on the big gay party boat.

"Every day in San Francisco is just like being on this boat," I’d explain to anyone who couldn’t quite grasp what I was doing there with 2,100 frolicking boys in Speedos. But that's not exactly true. While there's no place like home, a willingly captive community of happy homos at sea was even better, too good to be true. You know it’s a fabulous event when you come home to San Fran-fucking-cisco and it seems a little less sparkly and swishy!

I'm over my post-cruise blues now that I'm back into the rhythm of life as a circuit sister, drag hag, and gayborhood activist. It’s nice to be reminded that the beauty and magic of San Francisco is that you don't have to go anywhere at all to get your full gay on.

I might have finally earned full-fledged homosexual status on that cruise, going where no straight-ish woman has gone before. If nothing else, I’ve renewed my vow to be the biggest, proudest fag hag I can be, and I hope you’ll join me as I bring some of that smiling, carefree kinship back from utopian Atlantis world to the dancefloors and drag shows of the perpetual gay cruise known as San Francisco.

Join me at Ghetto Disco, the new flaming Friday party at the Endup, or at The Miss Trannyshack pageant on November 17, where I’ll be playing the roles of backup dancer and supportive stage mother to the city’s finest queens in heels. Maybe you’d rather dance with me and the beefcake bears at Basket’s Bombs over the Bay party at Club Eight on November 24, or watch me climb all over the muscle mans at Fresh November 18, and at Industry on November 24. Look for the girl with flowers in her hair, or just look for the girl!

We’ll have a gay old time, and we’ll bring it like San Franciscans do every day of the year!

Just another Tuesday afternoon in San Francisco

So I’m sitting in my cubicle at work early Tuesday morning, trying to put on a fresh face for an 8:00 a.m. team meeting with my big boss from the East Coast, whom we call the “K-Hole,” (and not in a complimentary way. His first name starts with the letter K, and you can figure out what the rest refers to).

He’s come to tell us the crappy news that my direct boss has quit. Not a surprise. Anyone with brains or ambition or even an ounce of creativity eventually runs screaming from my corporate job, which is just like a Dilbert comic strip, only not funny. But for me, being able to sit still and turn off my brain from 8-5 during the week is somewhat therapeutic, especially when compared to how much physical exertion and brain power goes into cruise directing my weekends.

So the K-Hole is droning on endlessly about “opportunity,” and “managing the end-to-end experience,” and “dialoguing,” and I’m doing what I usually do, translating this into my real job as the Original Fag Hag.

I’m regretting all the missed "opportunities" I’ve had over the years to post juicy little tidbits on my blog, which I only recently and very belatedly started; contemplating the "end-to-end experience" my weekend coming up will be, given the charity pool party, dance classes, Dore Alley street fair and 2 circuit parties I’m going to; and jotting down notes for how I will be "dialoguing" about this experience to as much of gay San Francisco will listen.

But on this day (which ultimately sucks hard for me, because my cool boss who didn’t give a shit about how much time I put in is history), I have an impish grin on my face because when the clock strikes noon, I’m out.

I’m off to participate in the filming of a promotional DVD for the new Sunday T-Dance at JET, which I’ve been asked to gogodance at by Bebe Sweetbriar, a wonderful charity drag queen who also happens to be fucking fierce in every way. I met her at the Marlena’s Dragathon just the week before Pride, where she hosted the hour before the one in which I got to be Beyonce for 5 minutes. She’s super-professional, she’s got a plan, and she’s doing it all for a good cause, which makes her my hero. (Not unlike Donna Sachet, who is hosting the Equality California pool party I’m attending on Saturday even though I can’t afford it.)

So we’re filming at JET (thank goodness I work so close to the Castro!), and I meet one of the 2 gogoboys I’ll be dancing with on August 12. Of course he’s delicious, though not my usual type (blond, tall, sweet), which is why I’m so taken aback when he flashes me an impish grin, upon recognizing me. Apparently I’ve climbed atop this gogoboy before, along with his partner, on the dancefloor at Fresh. He’s just put it all together, because on this day my hair is down and wild, and on the dancefloor it’s always restrained, adorned with flowers.

He’s a doll, and when I start recognizing his tattoos from the gym, I finally start putting it all together, too. We’re mutually thrilled that we’ll be dancing together, and we’re giggling and squealing about all the fun events coming up for the weekend.

I am swooning.

Then we film the last shot for the day, in what will be the “first-class” area of the airline-themed party. On a pole. I’ve never danced on pole before (I’m scared! A girl could really hurt herself!), and neither has gogoboy. But we are game. We climb on pole, and all over and around and under each other, until we are wet and panting.

Not bad for a Tuesday afternoon. And I got a bonus cardio workout, too!

CRUISE DIRECTOR ALERT: Splash, freeze and play on Dore weekend

Hi friends!

Hard to believe how quickly the summer is just racing by, and that it’s already time for our down n’ dirty leather street festival, Dore Alley. Last year at this time I was in San Diego for Pride and had to miss this intimate and local fave, so I’ll be looking to make up for lost time!

Fortunately, it’s a weekend jam-packed with fun, by the pool, on the dancefloor, and in the streets:

Saturday, July 28 (daytime)

Splash 2 Pool Party

Join LGBT civil rights and advocacy organization Equality California to raise funds for a great cause, and to see a special performance by none other than the Original Fag Hag’s role model and hero, Donna Sachet (http://www.donnasachet.com/)

12-4 at the Imperial Palace

3900 21^st Street @ Castro

Tickets $50 online at :

http://www.eqca.org/site/apps/cd/content.asp?c=9oINKWMCF&b=40331&event_id={DBC23C2B-24F3-4DEB-9F74-7815D5A76C3B}&content_id={333E0A77-54E6-4AC1-AB91-9346D1606460}&seid=

Saturday, July 28 (nighttime)

Arctic Babylon with DJ Manny Lehman, DJ Luke Johnstone, RKM, and a live performance by Flava (http://www.flavalive.com/)

Nevermind that the Original Fag Hag’s favorite soap opera, Queer as Folk, has been off the air for YEARS, and that this affiliated circuit party has been moved from its former home at Mezzanine, your cruise director’s favorite venue. Here’s a great chance to see a world-class DJ in a very cozy club, and a chance to see the inimitable, amazing, and always overflowing with happy energy Mark Miller (aka Miss Miller) on the gogo box!

Embrace Productions will build Arctic Babylon, transforming dance floors into sexy winter wonderlands with over-the-top visuals and décor including floor to ceiling icicles, glaciers, and of course, snow frosted dancers. Arctic Babylon Tour is the most visually stunning of all past Babylon adventures, stimulating the full Babylon experience.

Mighty

119 Utah Street @ 15^th

10pm-6am

$20 advance tickets available at BODY on Castro, $30 door

http://www.enterbabylon.com/ (for general info about the nationwide tour)

http://www.mighty119.com/gallery/index_flyers.html#industry (for local details)

Also Saturday night, for those of you who want to get a head start on your Dore Alley celebration, this party sounds totally hot, with the Cat Club opening up extra floors for the occasion:

Bay of Pigs

Three Floors of Debauchery, with DJ Paulo in the main room, DJ Nikita in the Dungeon Lounge on the 2nd floor, and Tattoo Chris hosting the evening

http://www.folsomstreetevents.org/bayofpigs/

Cat Club
1190 Folsom
10pm - 4am

$30.00 advance tix available at Rock Hard and Mr S. Leather

$40.00 At the door (if available) night of the event.

Sunday, July 29

Let’s start the day off right, nice and early, with mimosas at our usual Sunday brunching spot, Squat & Gobble Castro, at Noe & Market. We’ll be there at 10:00 a.m. (NOTE: not the usual 11:30 a.m.!), already decked out in our leather and camouflage gear (just FYI, that’s this year’s “butch and natural” theme for the 3 women who will be attending), so we’ll be ready to go directly to Dore immediately following.

Up Your Alley Street Fair, (aka Dore Alley)

11am-6pm

Dore Alley, between Folsom and Howard Streets and the adjoining block of Folsom between 9th and 10th Streets

http://www.folsomstreetevents.org/alley/images/UYA2007_600px.jpg

Immediately following the fair, we’ll regroup and briefly rest before gearing up for one more dance party before the weekend’s over:

Play (“Flirt. Frolic. Dance.”)

Official T-Dance and Gear Party of the Up Your Alley Street Fair

DJ David Knapp

5pm-midnight

DNA Lounge

375 11^th Street @ Harrison

$20 advance from Play Pals

$25 advance at PO Plus Castro, Mister S or online

$30 door

http://www.ptyronepresents.com/

NEXT WEEKEND:

Sunday, August 5

Matinee with DJs Wayne G and Luke Johnstone @ Temple

New venue! Howard between 1st & 2nd

BEYOND:

Sunday, August 12

Your faithful cruise director debuts on the gogo box at a brand new T-dance in the gayborhood, The Launch Party at JET, 3pm-9pm

ALSO on August 12:

Jamie J Sanchez at Fresh

http://www.freshsf.com/

Hope to see you soon!

Your faithful cruise director,

Suzan

www.originalfaghag.com

http://originalfaghag.blogspot.com/